Falling in Love With Idiots
by redex
Summary: GrimmjowRangiku.  After all the fighting there is peace. And then there is a party. And then there is sex. Smut, crack, AU.


What, het? Me?

* * *

They, literally, ran into each other. 

Grimmjow, too busy loosening this infernal tie to watch where he was going (and generally assuming that everyone was going to get out of his way anyways) and _her_ carrying a drink and acting drunk. She stumbled in her three-inch heels, he stepped forward, and of course the first thing to touch was her bountiful chest.

Grimmjow's eyes, once torn away from those wonderful peaks and the valley between, took in the rest of her rather quickly. Natural blond, skinny at the waist, but with plenty of curving roundness at the hips and filling out the back of her dress, which revealed legs that just went on forever. Someone in Grimmjow's brain said "Wow".

His hand had instinctively found her elbow and her silky laughter was echoing in his ears as she stood up straight - still far too close to his body to be considered natural. And as she met his eyes any leftover thoughts of just grumbling out a curse or two and passing by were dumped in the garbage. In anyone else, this could have been called love at first sight.

But, since Grimmjow had never really wrapped his head around the concept of love, he assured himself that this was simply lust, though it didn't feel like any kind of lust he'd ever felt before. It felt more like being kicked in the head.

"Hello, stranger."

It only took a few moments of conversation (Grimmjow really sucked at talking on a good day, so when stunned with awe and desire he wasn't exactly the most eloquent person in the room) for this beautiful woman to be walking beside him and letting - letting! - his hand rest on the bare skin at the curve of her back. She kept up with his every drink, her teasing words and his growled responses making not quite a few knowing glances pass behind their backs in that room.

The most knowing look of all came from, of course, her captain. Sitting a little further down the bar with Kyouraku and Ukitake, he was still not yet old enough to legally drink and was sulking over his fruit juice while the older white-haired man plied him with candy. Not only did Shunsui's unsubtle groping of the kind Jyuushirou and continually refilled sake dish irritate him, his vice-captain had to desert him to flirt with this - this - Espada! It was some consolation to know that it was she who had her claws in him, and not the other way around. She would withdraw when she was satisfied.

Our hopeless hero, however, did not know any of this, and so attributed his own strength, manliness, and overall superiority on catching this fine piece of woman. This was somewhat true, of course, because our heroine liked big, strong, manly men, but she could have put on this act for anyone in the room.

But she hadn't, and he was unsubtlely horney, so they left the party.

There was a room in the upstairs of this hotel listed under the name Jaggerjack, causing the local media to assume that a certain rock and roll icon had stopped by. This was not the case. However, _had _they bugged the room as they had intended to they would have got a pretty good show.

Grimmjow was left with only lipstick on his cheek to fret over as his goddess stepped into the washroom to take a bath. He had never fretted over anything in his entire life! He took off his jacket and threw himself down into the kind of awkwardly-shaped chair designed never to be sat in that one finds in expensive hotels. Pulling off his black silk tie and tossing it in the general direction of the television, he waited for the sounds of water to cease. It was agony. He kept remembering those breasts pressed up against his chest, soft and perfectly shaped, and the way her thigh muscle moved against his pant leg. He had never been harder for anything in his life.

Finally, she came out, in a bellow of steam and warm air. Naked. Still dripping. For once in his life, Grimmjow couldn't make himself move. As if one of Aizen-sama's spells had been wrapped around his mind, he sat there and waited for her to come to him, looking for all the world like a cat stalking its prey.

"Now," she murmured, and Grimmjow tried to look not quite as stunned as he felt. "Let's do something about that problem of yours."

A feral grin split his face as she sat down on his lap, making his pants wet and his dick even harder. She wriggled her ass teasingly even as her breasts pressed up against his face. She was wearing his cologne! He thought he might come just at the smell of her mixing with that musky scent. Instead, he held back, and it was entirely worth it. She bit her lip as she positioned him and then pressed downwards, and he answered her moan at fitting him all the way inside with a groan of surprise. He hadn't even noticed her fingers unzipping his pants. With her leanly muscled arms wrapping around his neck and the mobile wetness of her mouth moving over his neck, his jawbone, his lips, he thrust upwards, into her, and she thrust back. Her entire body trembled as she orgasmed around him, arching her chest towards him and throwing her head back so that her long hair tickled the hand that held her in place. Her soft cries of pleasure were enough to make him thrust only twice more into that heaven before coming, groaning loud as he spent himself.

She lifted herself off of him once their breathing had slowed down a little and she had finished kissing and sliding her tongue over his mask. He stood up after her and caught her in his arms, throwing her down onto the mattress. The way her hair haloed out and her teeth flashed in a taunting smile made him stirr once more and crawl down over her. His growls of impatience made her laugh.

In the morning, it was Grimmjow who woke first. He was surprised to find her still there, pressed against his side and curled under his arm, and then gratified, and then surprised at his own gratification.

They had done it at least four times that he could remember, with drinking in between, until their kisses were getting sloppy and both their drawling had become almost incomprehensible. He couldn't help the satisfied feeling that rested at his very core as he watched her as she blinked her eyes awake and smiled up at him from his shoulder. Her murmured "good morning" somehow took in all that they had done together and the unfamiliar fondness in his eyes. He had never before fucked someone who hadn't cried before, during, or after. By this time, he was definitely in love.

But, against all his languid desire to lay in bed all day and try all the positions they hadn't quite got to, she pulled away and stretched, long and lean, making her breasts jiggle pleasantly. A not-too subtle morning fart incensed the air and she giggled girlishly before sitting up and sliding out of the bed. Grimmjow watched her move around from his position on the mussed bed with something like adoration in his eyes, hungrily eyeing the bruises and red marks he had left on her body. She ducked into the bathroom and came out a few moments later dressed in that magic red dress once again.

She was blowing him a kiss and out the door before he realized what had happened.

"Fuck!" he cursed at the empty room.

He would find her in her captain's office some months later, and would challenge her to a fight. He had told himself that he was just redeeming his manhood, working the terrible pain she had left him with out, but the moment he saw her he knew he was lost once again. She looked surprised, and he didn't see the short captain's sigh and roll of the eyes, but then she was laughing once again, a loud belly laugh that made her chest bounce and sway. Disconcerted, he just stood there stupidly until she was done and came over to wrap her arms around his neck, completely ignoring the sword he had been holding.

"You," she said, smiling, "Are the stupidest man I have ever met." And then she kissed him hard enough to make him drop his sword in favor of grabbing her ass, and she slid his leg in between her thighs. What can I say? They were perfect for each other.


End file.
